Breaking Down
by mjoncearedhead
Summary: Due to vampire's being unchangeable, they instinctively guard their hearts from the get-go. It takes a lot longer for a vampire to truly fall in love than a human. But once it's done, it cannot be undone. Femslash. Bellice.


**Breaking Down**

**Summary: ****Due to vampire's being unchangeable, they instinctively guard their hearts from the get-go. It takes a lot longer for a vampire to truly fall in love than a human. But once it's done, it cannot be undone. Bellice. Stays pretty close to the books at the beginning but after the first couple of chapters will become AU and some characters may become OOC. Though I'm not a very good judge. They may already be OOC. You decide.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. That right belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I just like playing around with her characters a bit. **

**Forewarning: There are two different POVs in this story. They are divided by a break but it's pretty easily discerned I think, hopefully. I know I keep changing format and whatnot but this is the last time I promise. **

Prologue

It was finally happening but it was already too late. Even without his empathic ability, Jasper could see it. His wife was in love with someone else and she had finally realized it as the object of her affection drove off with her new husband. He could feel the moment she recognized it as she gradually started to emotionally glow as well as the moment she realized she was too late not a second later. He caught her as she crumbled and held her as her body was wracked with heaving sobs. She could never have seen this coming. Not unless she had consciously decided she would fall in love with Bella and nobody could decide that. Even as a human, Jasper had understood how unpredictable love could be. However, having his empathic ability as a vampire had given him an enhanced amount of clarity. So he knew that Alice wasn't truly in love with him as he was with her, though that didn't stop him from convincing himself otherwise. The same way he knew from the very moment Alice met Bella that he had lost any chance for her heart.

He could discern the stages of love now, something he would never have been able to do as a human, as well as the differences between human and vampire love. Due to vampire's being unchangeable, they instinctively guard their hearts from the get-go. It takes a lot longer for a vampire to truly fall in love than a human. But once it's done, it cannot be undone. A human's heart can be healed over time whereas a vampire's pain merely gets stronger. He knew this through his experiences in Texas. Sometimes his newborn recruits would find their 'True Mate', as he termed it, with another recruit in his regiment. True Mates stuck by each other in battles and would die together. But occasionally, they would get separated and one would survive while the other died. Of course, he never felt their pain for long. Once the survivor of the pair found their other half dead, they found their own means to end their existence rather quickly. When Maria would order an execution, Jasper would kill True Mates together and told Maria it was to save the regiment from the chaos a vengeful Mate would cause which was only partly true. Mostly, he just didn't want to have to feel the anguish that followed. His selfish vampiric side wouldn't let him feel their torment. It was his version of self-preservation.

This same self-preservation instinct caused him to keep his mouth shut. He knew he wouldn't be able to live through Alice leaving him and so he didn't say anything. By doing nothing, however, he didn't realize that he was sentencing himself to something worse. He didn't have his wife's gift of clairvoyance in order to see how his decision would affect everyone. He didn't have the presence of mind to see that far ahead. All he saw was the now and it terrified him.

So he wasn't prepared when he felt the bone crushing pain his True Mate felt as she watched her True Mate leave with another. He wasn't prepared when it was magnified by the knowledge that he could've prevented it.

* * *

Alice had always loved being able to see the future. It had always aided her in responding to the events in her life. It brought her a piece of mind, love, a family. But now, it only brought her pain.

As the visions of Edward and Bella's first time coupled with the subsequent visions of Bella trying to get Edward to have sex with her replayed over and over in her mind, her torment increased. It had been seventeen long days since the wedding and she still couldn't find the strength to leave her bed. The burn in her throat didn't seem to matter as much compared to the anguish in her heart. Her whole body felt the ache and pain as if the once beating organ in her chest weighed tons more than it should and was crushing her body on the inside. The only thing keeping her sane was the knowledge that her best friend was happy. She refused to refer to Bella as her sister-in-law or even as her sister. She was so much more than that and the feelings she now realized she had for the brunette were not sisterly at all. She wondered how she hadn't recognized it before. How Bella had gone from being her best friend to the love of her life. True it had been a slow build up but now as she looked back, the signs had been there.

She remembered distinctly the instant attraction when they met and how easy talking to her and being her friend had been. Even her blood, which smelled fabulous, took a back seat to the person that sheltered it. As time progressed, Alice remembered when the need to simply be around her grew as well as when the want to touch her in some way tentatively began to blossom. She remembered when the James fiasco happened and how completely terrified she had been.

During that episode, she constantly fought against the almost irrepressible urge to hold Bella, make sure she wasn't hurt, and take away her fears. However, she fought so hard that she ended up doing the opposite. She became careless and Bella slipped through her fingers. Alice would never forgive herself for allowing Bella to get hurt and, she suspected, neither did Edward. Edward never truly trusted Bella with Alice after that.

When she had the vision of Edward and Bella eloping in Vegas, her chest had contracted painfully and an overwhelming sadness enveloped her. At the time, she had passed it off as her feeling rejected when she wasn't allowed to help with her best friend's wedding. But then it happened again when she was planning it. And again, when she was designing the dress. And again, when she was helping Bella get ready the morning of. And then again, when she watched her best friend dressed in white walk down the aisle and the look on Edward's face at the end of it. It didn't go away after that. The pain slowly began to spread from her chest to her limbs as she watched Edward and Bella have their first dance. Then from her limbs to her extremities, as she watched as they made their way through the crowds of well-wishers towards Edward's Volvo, towards her.

When they finally reached her standing by the end of the car, she plastered a smile on her face and quickly hugged her brother close muttering a soft 'congratulations' before letting go. She then turned to the closest and most dear friend she'd ever had and suddenly felt like she was saying goodbye. She felt the pain throb everywhere and rushed at Bella wrapping her arms around her.

Alice hoped Bella didn't notice her desperation as she clung to the taller girl. Bella's breath gently caressed Alice's neck making her shiver slightly before she whispered, "Thank you, Alice." In response, Alice squeezed her a little tighter, a little closer and she realized she never wanted to let go. Yet she knew it was inevitable and as each second passed she knew the suspicions would start. She could already feel Edward's eyes burning holes into her head trying to figure out what she herself didn't understand. She was extremely grateful that most of his attention was focused on the woman in her arms, otherwise she was sure he would have stolen Bella from her embrace.

With a deep breath, she released her best friend, kissed her lightly on the cheek, and stepped back to become a spectator once again. As soon as they were no longer touching, Alice felt as if she were missing something, a void grew. She could feel the burn of tears build up in her eyes but that's as far as they went. Her vision became blurry due to the venom-filled obstruction but her eyes never left Bella's form as she walked away. All Alice could think about was how she wanted Bella back in her arms again. She didn't want her to leave. She never wanted her to drive away unless Alice could ride shotgun.

As the Volvo steadily was removed from her sight, the heaviness of her heart became a dead weight. She felt herself drop to the ground, no longer having the strength to hold up the dead organ in her chest as she realized it was dead in more than one way. A part of her knew that there were arms around her, holding her up before she could hit the pavement. A part of her knew that she was making incomprehensible noises but the rest of her no longer cared. The rest of her just wanted her Bella back.

Ever since, Alice barely moved. She became a statue, a shadow of her happy-go-lucky self. The only movement that occurred was when she tried to fight off a vision, fight off the torture. Her brain would not shut off, however, and her instincts continually pulled her in two opposite directions. The monster inside of her wanted her to end the agony and at the same time knew what killing herself would do to the people she loved. It knew what it would do to Bella and couldn't stomach the thought of it. However, it didn't stop it from wanting an end all the same. But then the visions of Bella stopped. There hadn't been a single new one for almost five days and though it came as a reprieve from the previous twelve, it also brought a sense of dread. Without her visions, Alice couldn't tell if Bella was happy and safe or hurt and alone. She couldn't tell if Bella needed her. So for the first time in more than two complete weeks, Alice tried to look for Bella's future.

What she found wasn't very comforting. Nothing. She had always been able to 'tune in' to Bella's future unless she was with the wolves and she was positive that wasn't the case here. Her rising panic exceeded that of her self-induced coma. Within the blink of an eye, she was sitting up, phone pressed to her ear, listening to the ring, and breathlessly awaiting anyone to pick up.

"Hi, Alice."

**Notes: I know I'm changing this story around a lot. Please be patient with me, this is my first multi-chaptered story. I wasn't happy with how I started this and the first two chapters really didn't fit well with the rest of my story when I kept them separated. I hope it's not too bothersome. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**P.S. I've also changed this into being a prologue instead of regular chapters due to, as I said previously, it doesn't fit into the rest of my story otherwise. Also, I'm pretty sure that I want to get several chapters done before I started updating them individually so the next chapter may not be up for a while. I just wanted to get this idea out there and see the response for now.**


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